“It’s like constantly traveling, but you don’t see well.”

For a while now, I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. For a while now, I’ve also been trying to figure out what it is I’m trying to become. Not surprisingly, both of these questions unanswered are interrelated. How is it you measure someone’s worth? Can an individual who is simply ignorant of certain things in this world be truly worthless because he or she does not act to change those things? Likewise, is an individual aware of said things more worthless at the same time because he or she doesn’t act in according to his or her own emotional passion on the issue?

There is so much shit that goes on in the world. It’s estimated that over 800 to 900,000 women and children are trafficked into slavery annually; and not just any type of slavery- it’s sex slavery. Women young as 11 and 12 are forced to fuck men of all shapes and sizes. If you want an idea as to the magnitude of this problem go out and buy “The Natasha’s" by Victor Malarek. Also, global oil production is about to peak. It will be an unprecedented event in history seeing as energy runs the global economy and even though we have other types of energy, most with good EROEI’s are too dirty to continue to use.

For the last 6 days I was on a trip in B.C to get away from work and relax before school starts again. It’s strange, but the older I get the less I find myself able to enjoy life. There were maybe 5 moments in the trip where I was fully conscious I was enjoying myself. The rest of the time was just like was watching someone else do everything I was doing. It’s a mixture of both private and public elements playing into this I’m sure, but to which has a bigger hand, I don’t know. Whatever it is I hate it. There was a time when things were less complicated. Even when they were still complicated to a personal extent I still enjoyed it. “The last victim of this plague between us” indeed.

All I can say is this not a healthy place to live inside my head. Enough should be enough; happiness is a choice. I remembered it for a while and forgot it for a longer time, but maybe the reason for all of this is for me to simply overcome all of it.

The next time you see me let's hope things are farther along than right now.

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quote of the week:

Here I sit, thousands of miles distant, a stranger to more than the streets outside this window. I am not dead, but that is not to say that I am alive either. In truth, no one can claim that state of being entirely and still posses a soul.

Well, except for tibetan monks and those of us who have been fortunate enough to be in love; but that's for another day.