Catching Thoughts Shaped like Gingerbread Men
I used to labor under the belief that once something is done, it is done. The great and at the same time horrible fact about most things on this is earth is that such a phrase can usually be proven wrong.
I am about to try and undo the end of something that has already passed. I have very little expectation that I will succeed but strangely enough that doesn't seem to matter to me as much as it might have sometime ago. Make no mistake, what I'm going to attempt is selfish; there is no getting around that and I wouldn't in a life time try to convince anyone otherwise. So, for that, I apologize. All I can do is try and justify the lexicon of the word in its present footing.
When I say selfish, I do not mean it with its usual negative conotation that I am thinking only of myself at the expense of another, not entirely anyways. For the last while I have been trying to let go of someone who for her own reasons felt the need to let go of me. I swear to God I've been trying. Unfortunately, I haven't done such a good job, despite the fact that I doubt more than a few people actually know.
The word is geared in a sense that it is meant to bring me towards an end which will bring me towards one of two other endings, one of which will involve the possible annoyance of another. I say annoyance in that because if something ends there is usually a reason and rythem for that ending and rarely have I been one to ever challenge such things. I mean, who is anyone to put the weight on another that they are the reason for a possible detriment in that persons own life?
Whatever happens all I ask is you know that that's not what I'm getting at ok? My failings are my own and no one elses. I've just been thinking latley that when I've been in such situtions before I've always considered the attempt of going back to be a weakness, and I'm not even sure I still don't. But where emotion is involved, I'm not so sure anymore I can blame people for at least trying- for at least being honest. Obviously there is line not to be crossed, but I think such a line would have more to do with repetition than it would the actual shape.
My honesty is that I still miss you. I miss everything about you. The way your hair used to smell in the morning, the feel of your skin, the way you'd smile when I'd smile looking at you. God you had a beautiful smile.
Things end. I've never been under any illusion that would say otherwise. But, if the things I mentioned above were only meant to be witnessed by me for a short amount of time, then I need to be 100% sure there's nothing left of me in your head.
Once I know I promise I will push myself along and leave this be.
I am about to try and undo the end of something that has already passed. I have very little expectation that I will succeed but strangely enough that doesn't seem to matter to me as much as it might have sometime ago. Make no mistake, what I'm going to attempt is selfish; there is no getting around that and I wouldn't in a life time try to convince anyone otherwise. So, for that, I apologize. All I can do is try and justify the lexicon of the word in its present footing.
When I say selfish, I do not mean it with its usual negative conotation that I am thinking only of myself at the expense of another, not entirely anyways. For the last while I have been trying to let go of someone who for her own reasons felt the need to let go of me. I swear to God I've been trying. Unfortunately, I haven't done such a good job, despite the fact that I doubt more than a few people actually know.
The word is geared in a sense that it is meant to bring me towards an end which will bring me towards one of two other endings, one of which will involve the possible annoyance of another. I say annoyance in that because if something ends there is usually a reason and rythem for that ending and rarely have I been one to ever challenge such things. I mean, who is anyone to put the weight on another that they are the reason for a possible detriment in that persons own life?
Whatever happens all I ask is you know that that's not what I'm getting at ok? My failings are my own and no one elses. I've just been thinking latley that when I've been in such situtions before I've always considered the attempt of going back to be a weakness, and I'm not even sure I still don't. But where emotion is involved, I'm not so sure anymore I can blame people for at least trying- for at least being honest. Obviously there is line not to be crossed, but I think such a line would have more to do with repetition than it would the actual shape.
My honesty is that I still miss you. I miss everything about you. The way your hair used to smell in the morning, the feel of your skin, the way you'd smile when I'd smile looking at you. God you had a beautiful smile.
Things end. I've never been under any illusion that would say otherwise. But, if the things I mentioned above were only meant to be witnessed by me for a short amount of time, then I need to be 100% sure there's nothing left of me in your head.
Once I know I promise I will push myself along and leave this be.
posted by Daniel_v at 2:01 PM
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