I have never wanted to run head first at brick wall, mouth open, lungs deflating at full force, more than when he started crying on the phone to me. That slobbering polar pitched voice explaining his triumph over adversity. A 50 year old crying to a 19 year old he barley knows on the phone; there is something seriously wrong with this scene. "Where is your family, your ones you are close to?", I wondered.

I sat, compressing the desire to hang up the phone, or just tell the old fool to fuck off and stop opening up old wounds because they’re all he has left. I have never had a problem with people who want to stew in their own misery, like bathing in a pool of their own fecies, as long as they don't make others watch. I can't remember what I said to him, but I do know most of it was just one word sentences like "oh" and "yeah". I tried once to use some reason with him but it didn't really get anywhere.

I think the worst part was that he never stopped talking. Any chance you tried to take to tell him you had to go he would manage to stretch and build into a different topic. "Don't you worry about me Daniel, I'm a fighter", he droned. 'Sure' I thought, 'that would explain the bottles of booze you go through every night'.

I never could be too sure if he was drunk or not though. One of the difficulties with stroke victims you see. We had heard reports from other friends of his that he was into dial-a-bottle, but at that time didn't have any proof to work with since our families only link to him during these talks was the telephone. Perhaps the reason I look back on that man with so much disgust is because of what I drew from myself through those interactions with him.

You are such an inspiration for the ways I will never ever choose to be

Or so the saying goes anyways.

I've always felt I was too lenient with his infiltration to our family. Being who I am I've never had to the heart to say what felt like should have been said at certain times. He was after all an old family friend who didn't seem to have anyone. And for some reason that's always bothered me. I consider it a weakness. Should I? Does how far you let unwelcome push your boundaries define you? Sure it does.

But whether it defines you north or south I still don't know.