There was a saying my grandpa used to use a fair amount. He would say that no matter what the objective to expect very little from your efforts in trying to achieve it. That way when you fail at least you don’t end up getting yourself down, and if you do actually succeed then you're doing that much better off anyways by way of surprise. Admittedly he was as usual just being his own bullshitting self in an attempt to make us laugh (as he still does to this day) but while it may sound kind of morbid to suggest I’m pretty sure he had something there.
Essentially I like to think his point was that there’s a difference between trying and caring; while subtle, it is both solid and quintessential. The latter action most usually resulting in of course disappointment and the former either at best some type of personal fulfillment or worst an un-hurtful detachment. I would assume only the presently or previously afflicted victims of lethargic habituation can appreciate the difficulty of pulling off such a separation since each are usually inseparably linked but then again I have been wrong before so who knows.
Let’s face it, the only way those who are, and have been in the past, served with failure a majority of the time in whatever it is they pursue would or could possibly continue doing what they do is by learning to master said distinction time after time after time. As they say, practice makes perfect…well, that or absent in more ways than one but usually if you've succumbed to such a state you probably didn’t get the point of the exercise especially when it came measuring means and ends.
For example, anyone who isn’t a conservative in the province of Alberta, and who gives two squeezes of shit about what goes on here, can probably attest to the above after last night’s election results. That’s not to say this only applies to politics but obviously given the circumstances right now it’s the easiest thing to apply it to. After all, it would be easy to go off about Bill 46, homeless people, peak oil, the tar sands and voter apathy but I’ll desist since I would lose track of where I’m trying to go with this.
It’s kind of weird. I have this vision in my head lots of times of sail boats, beer, tequila, fruit juice and oceans . It’s what I’d do if the world didn’t cater to economics, Newton’s Third Law and declining marginal utility. I’d spend my time sailing around the world to different island resorts while consuming nothing but large quantities of beer and tequila/rum based fruit drinks. Of course that’s not for today, tomorrow or anytime in the foreseeable future, but who knows, maybe the world one day for us won’t cater to anything at all. But until then I’m gonna have to stick with my grandfather on this one.
1. We are owed absolutely nothing if we don't try.
2. Losing sleep or peace of mind over what could or should have been is counterintuitive considering the drawing of most peoples is to be content. True, I suppose we are attracted to tragedy and misery because there is a type of beauty sired out of the art of diversity in life. Or maybe it's just that we like to prove that the scars that we have acquired throughout time are equal to the blood we have lost ; either way, the smart and unselfish among us are able to understand that in the long term that is no way to live.
3. As the main funny man in Scrubs once said, "...sometimes the best way to lose something is to want it too much".
“…Having said which we would like to you think about whether such a realist view is as neutral as it is commonsensical. After all, if we teach world politics to generations of students and tell them that people are selfish, then doesn’t that become common sense and don’t they, when they go off into the media or to work for the government departments or the military or even when they talk to their children over the dinner table, simply repeat what they have been taught and, if in positions of power, act accordingly? We will leave you to think about this…and simply point out that we are not convinced that realism is as objective or non-normative as it is portrayed.” ~John Baylis and Steve Smith (The Globalization Of World Politics)
Regardless of your political affiliation and your opinion on American foreign policy, you have to give Congressman Ron Paul credit for having the balls to say what he said. There is no way you go and say something like that to the conservative heartland of America and expect people not to skewer you off the stage. To stand up and take it, and then get back up and march on with your original argument, speaks mountains about the character of a person.
I’m not really interested in talking about the actual issue he brought up because I think it is beyond the more interesting question that can be brought up from it. What got me thinking more was Guiliani’s response and Paul’s refusal to apologize in turn. What is it that makes a good politician these days? In turn, and in perfect conjunction, I think it’s also worth asking what is it that makes a decent human being? Can those two questions be amalgamated? Can you be a good politician and a good human being at the same time? Perhaps in certain issues you can and other you can’t. I’m sure there are those who would certainly argue there are times when catering to ones more compassionate side is inviting manipulation and weakness. I can’t remember who it was, but someone once said entering into politics requires that you take the risk losing your soul in order to save others like yours. To be a leader means you make the difficult choices, which means sometimes sacrificing the few for the many. I don’t know…maybe that’s a little melodramatic but the point is there nonetheless.
Likewise however, I’m sure there are those who would argue catering to realist perspective, where man is inherently selfish and deceiving, simply perpetuates a cycle as was suggested at the top, where there is little hope for a progressive form of international diplomacy in the face of nation-states who only care about the well being of their own sovereignty. And thinking about that, after watching those clips of the debate, one doesn’t really have to wonder how the world has wound up in the position it is in today.
After Congressman Paul made those statements, it’s clear that Mr. Guiliani saw an opening to score some points and he took it. But I think it’s worth pointing out that nowhere does he actually attempt tackle the arguments that the Congressman actually makes and that somewhat depresses me. Obviously with a 30 second reply you’re not going to try and get in depth with something like that, but the manner in which he addresses the issue is just so utterly devoid of any attempt at clarity that I think it speaks volumes about both the mind frame of the business of politics and the habituation of the audience that pays attention to it.
Is painting an issue black and white in order to solve it more important these days than actually deciphering its true colors? In the end it’s kind of one of those “do the means truly justify the ends” questions. I obviously can’t answer that but I think the more situations you have where they do says something very potent about the type of system and society we allow to foster around us.
Let me throw another question into the open here. If you were in Mr. Paul’s shoes, would you refrain from saying what he just said if you thought it would give you a better chance of getting into the White House where you would have the chance to honestly make a difference? Or would you do exactly as he did and take a bullet because you believed serving your ideas is more fundamental to democracy and politics than actual victory ever could be.
Like wise, if you were Mr. Guiliani, would you do as he did and exploit what Mr. Paul said because you thought it would help you score some points? Or would you answer his premise in an intelligent way which furthered the actual debate? I have no problem with people disagreeing with one another; I do however have a problem with people doing so without any aptitude for furthering the understanding of the question at hand. To be quite honest it makes me sick. After all, it was John Stuart Mill once said the truth is only enfeebled by refusing to let it stand against aggressors and I think such a statement is all the more poignant here when referencing it to politics these days whether it be in the United States, Canada, or anywhere else around the world for that matter.
Guiliani is the politician; Congressman Paul, I would argue, is the human being. And I ask you, which would you rather running a country and what type of people do you think run most of the world right now? Answer that question and you’ll most likely learn a great deal about yourself for better or worse.
I'm currently sitting in the downstairs computer room at the Augustana campus in Camrose. Not that it matters but my absence as of late has simply been a matter of first a little thing called Facebook, which I have become hopelessly addicted to, and secondly the fact that I haven't really felt the need to write in the last 5 months despite of few things that might have been of interest to myself. I'm not sure what really brought that on considering for the past 2 years I been writing non stop on some form of blog or another but it was kind of nice to take a break for a while. Originally the idea for writing was simply to keep an objective view of what was going on in my life but strangely enough a bit of time away from too much thought process is sometimes exactly what is needed to get things in line. Misery is easy; being content is an art.
Anyways, as I said I'm now in Camrose. Moved most of my stuff down here last week to the basement suite I'm going to be staying in for the next 8 months and then went and picked up the rest this past weekend.
Campus is nice. It's currently in the middle of some much needed renovations, but over I'm just stoked to be anywhere other than RDC. I'll probably start up a couple clubs on campus here just to keep myself busy. There was an environmental group called SPAM(Sustainability and Prevention Activism Movement) that was around last year but the girl who ran it, who just so happens to be a friend of our good fellow at Bad Lands to Bland Sands, is currently in Ireland right now and done her degree at Augustana. So far according to the S.A no one has come forward to start the group back up so we'll see where that leads. If no one does come forward I'll either restart it myself or just start another branch of the Post-Carbon Institute here. Also thinking about joining a fencing club so we'll see about that.
Anywho, that's it for now. More later to come hopefully.
You know, it's been almost over 2 years since I saw her last, and not surprisingly the feeling still remains. It's odd, but despite all the pain and emptiness it has caused me, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I suppose that speaks negativly upon who I am as a person. Then again maybe that's just being human; maybe that's what makes up the best part of us.
I am Severus Snape....(without the additude of course.)
Yeah, I'm still alive. Firefox has been fucking up on this thing for the last little while so I haven't been able to log in for a while. For all my imaginary readers I'll try to do a bit better with the updating in the future.
It's like a fire speading under the snow and even those of us who know about it can't be scared enough to move cause we don't know how close it is to us. It feels like a precipe; like something big is going to find us and it doesn't matter how much we run away or try to turn around and face it, the feeling is still going to remain. I wonder if this is what those living in the mid 1930's felt like most of the time as fasicm started to rise around the world.
Money, religion, atheism, love, hate, life, death, just being plain human- it all equals war eventually. Perhaps I'm off on this, but does anyone else find it ironic by doing the one thing which usually helps stave off conflict between peoples, which is keeping living standards high, we are going to cause conflict? It always was about balance wasn't it...too far either way and we lose it. It eaves me thinking too much emphasis is put on the soveriegnty of individuals and their right to choose their own collective destinies.
I want to be what I think of in my good moments. I want to be able to see a whirl wind of change fueled by outrage and incredualty at our own comfort. I want to be able to look myself in eye in the mirror and say my actions were equal to my talk and lately I can't say I've been able to do so.
This should be about should action, not reaction. It should be about later, and not just now. It should be about them, and not just us. It should be about morals, and not just the idea of them. It should be about neccesity, not conveniance.
If we can't get all of this, then there is little that can be said, despite the vastness of our minds, for this thing we call hope.
I can not begin to describe what it was like watching you in that state last night. I've seen that look on your face once before and I told myself that as long as I lived I never wanted to see it again. You looked like you did back at your house that night in November when you were on the phone with your mom; I thought you had just gotten news that someone had died. For all extensive purposes I suppose last night someone might as well have. I have never in my life seen someone look so shocked and betrayed and I cannot begin to describe how sorry I am that of all the people on this earth it had to be him.
You said thanks while we were talking today for being around last night; I owe you the same. Thank you for trusting me enough as a friend to explain what happened and to let me listen.
Normally I would spell something about wounds and time, but I think we both know it wouldn't be completely true. Scars are scars. All I can say is you're the type of person who affects your friends enough that we'd be willing to bite bullets for you and I think it goes without saying that we're here at anytime and any place if you need us.
Peace.
P.S- Don't let yourself try to rationalize it either. Not that I think you're the type of person who would but last night you were saying you knew you had hurt him and you could understand why he would be mad, even though that didn't make it acceptable. Incase you start thinking too much in the days ahead, love (if that's what it was) is the last fucking excuse in the world for something like this. We both know he's normally a great guy which is why he'll probably be torn up about this for a long time to come, but love requires that you care enough for a person to be willing to let them go. If the person in it can't it's just selfishness and those two elements are all too easily mixed up these days despite their irreconcilable differences.
I started doing some volunteer work for The People's Place Shelter about a month and a half ago here in Red Deer. Tonight was only my third shift and we had to turn people away. 10 of them to be exact.
How things normally work is like this. At the PPS we have 23 people who can live at the shelter for a max of 28 days provided they come in every night not under the influence of any drugs what so ever and that they have a plan to meet while they're there (e.g- find a job, deal with emotional problems, find an apartment, etc.) The other people who need a place to stay (which is around 17 to 23 an average night during winter) are signed up to what is know known as "Inn from the Cold" and given shelter for the night by local churches. Normally 12 to 15 people will go to one church and the others the first church don't have room for will go to a second one. However, tonight was different.
At first the second overflow church said they needed another volunteer (1 or 2 at the most)to stay till 8 in the morning if they were going to open up for the night. So, one of us at the shelter said we'd do it and then next thing you know the church is making the excuse they can't open up if the weather isn't predicted to drop below -20 because they signed some papers with the city of Red Deer saying -20 is the magic number that defines when overflow shelters are needed. What does someone even say to something like that?
It is now -20 degrees celcius (with windchill) and 10 people out of the 22 that applied for Inn from the Cold tonight are sleeping outside.
This type of stuff makes me too tired to be angry.
It came to me at night, the original base for the idea anyways. All my most intresting ideas come to me then because there is no sun light for me at such a time to illuminate the other ramifications such actions might have.
In the dead of day, it's different. You see the different paths it might lead and you slow yourself down to the point where you move as fast as you would wearing stone shoes while your eyes ricochet back and forth like you were on speed between the desired and the undesired. "Raise the moon, raise it now!" something echoes inside your head.
I hate the bland. That's the reason I become uninterested in life these days; it's the blandness. The repitition and the already determined results of those actions; it sickens me. The last two days my perception hasn't been bland. With action and delayed responses there is nothing but possibility. I think I know what the answer will be, but without it being said, I can still be here. I can be relaxed. Strange how that is eh?
P.S- I left the message yesterday because I was trying to be interesting despite the fact I knew calling you again might have the effect of being annoying the way I find it annoying when people call me all the time when I don't need to talk to them. I don't want you to think I'm bland. Maybe that's because I am; maybe it's because I'm not. Maybe I like being bland despite the fact that I hate being surrounded by it. Is that possible?
Just got back from a showing of the play down in Red Deer. For those of you don't know the Vagina Monologues is the brainchild of Eve Ensler and was written over 11 years ago. Originally it was created for the purpose of celebrating the sexuality of femininity, but has also evolved over the years to become a campaign to stop violence against women. If it ends up coming to your neck of the woods I would strongly reccomend checking it out. The tickets are 25 dollars, but if you volunteer (like me! Thanks Erin) at the play usually you can get yourself in for free.
It was nice to see that The Memorial Centre, which can hold over 800 people, was sold out tonight. For anyone that ends up seeing it in the future keep and ear out for "The Flood" monologue with the Bert Reynolds dream segment coming from the 72 year old. It's a gut squeezer.
Just a few tidbits to keep in mind when considering the status of women in the world today:
-Close to a million women and children are trafficked into sex slavery every year. I've mentioned it before but I would strongly reccomend to anyone interested to go and read The Natashas by Victor Malarek for more information on the matter
Given these types of attitudes by men in all societies awarness campaigns put on by shows like The Vagina Monologues are all the more poignently important these days. Your actions are of course always influenced by your beliefs and without education ingnorance only perpetuates itself leading to the statitics in the latter.
For more information on the Vagina Monologues you can go here and for more information on the attrocities that are committed towards women all over the world you can go here.
I used to labor under the belief that once something is done, it is done. The great and at the same time horrible fact about most things on this is earth is that such a phrase can usually be proven wrong.
I am about to try and undo the end of something that has already passed. I have very little expectation that I will succeed but strangely enough that doesn't seem to matter to me as much as it might have sometime ago. Make no mistake, what I'm going to attempt is selfish; there is no getting around that and I wouldn't in a life time try to convince anyone otherwise. So, for that, I apologize. All I can do is try and justify the lexicon of the word in its present footing.
When I say selfish, I do not mean it with its usual negative conotation that I am thinking only of myself at the expense of another, not entirely anyways. For the last while I have been trying to let go of someone who for her own reasons felt the need to let go of me. I swear to God I've been trying. Unfortunately, I haven't done such a good job, despite the fact that I doubt more than a few people actually know.
The word is geared in a sense that it is meant to bring me towards an end which will bring me towards one of two other endings, one of which will involve the possible annoyance of another. I say annoyance in that because if something ends there is usually a reason and rythem for that ending and rarely have I been one to ever challenge such things. I mean, who is anyone to put the weight on another that they are the reason for a possible detriment in that persons own life?
Whatever happens all I ask is you know that that's not what I'm getting at ok? My failings are my own and no one elses. I've just been thinking latley that when I've been in such situtions before I've always considered the attempt of going back to be a weakness, and I'm not even sure I still don't. But where emotion is involved, I'm not so sure anymore I can blame people for at least trying- for at least being honest. Obviously there is line not to be crossed, but I think such a line would have more to do with repetition than it would the actual shape.
My honesty is that I still miss you. I miss everything about you. The way your hair used to smell in the morning, the feel of your skin, the way you'd smile when I'd smile looking at you. God you had a beautiful smile.
Things end. I've never been under any illusion that would say otherwise. But, if the things I mentioned above were only meant to be witnessed by me for a short amount of time, then I need to be 100% sure there's nothing left of me in your head.
Once I know I promise I will push myself along and leave this be.
The incandescent light bulb, perfected for mass use by Thomas A. Edison in the late 19th century, is being supplanted by fluorescent lighting that is more efficient and longer lasting. Last month, California Assemblyman Lloyd Levine announced he would propose a bill to ban the use of incandescent bulbs in his state.
And Thursday, New Jersey Assemblyman Larry Chatzidakis introduced a bill that calls for the state to switch to fluorescent lighting in government buildings over the next three years.
It will be interesting to see if passed, what kind of a precident this could set for other states or provinces around the world.
2nd year Political Science student at Red Deer College. I have this habit of chronically overthinking things and in the process usually end up making them worse. You might catch a bit of that on here from time to time.
